Coming Apart: Why Relationships end......

_________________________________
I don't
want my
life
to be a
circus but
I would like to
disclose that
my relationship
hit
rock bottom
a few years
ago.

My girlfriend and I have been going steady for 7 years and like many of my friends say, relationships that long doesn't usually end in church bells. I don't buy it.



Sure, we've had a lot of fights just like any couples.About money, pride, sense of personal space, third parties, being bored with the relationship, being sooo busy. Name it we had it. So, this looks like a normal relationship after all. Yes, and like all kinds of of normal relationships, you need to take care of it. It's an investment. It therefore needs time, money and effort to grow. Yo need to nourish it, literally and figuratively.....



I know it's starting to sound cheesy. Let me get to my point now. Being in a relationship is a bliss most of the time (maybe 51%) and the rest sucks!!!
And when it sucks, it really sucks BIG time!!!

At some point in 2006, I thought it was all gonna end. During that time, I was so devastated. I am not sure that time if it because of the idea of losing her or because I don't have enough savings to live for 2 months unattended. You see, we lived in the same house since 2003 with her brother and my sister and now I am alone and I don't even know how to cook. And I am a wreck when it comes to saving money and controlling myself when I am in a shopping mall. Now, I would like to believe it was both.

I did manage to survive that time. Thanks to this book........



I didn't search for this book. Al I thought was to survive. I never occured to me to read anything just to get by. But it was there, in the new house that I rented. After that, my idea of love all changed. It made me understand what is happening.

Here are some of the lines that I love;

---"we enter into relationships primarily to discover, foster, enhance and sustain our individual selves"

---"the reason we fall in love is to help us accomplish our external and internal developmental tasks."

---" A good love is one in which a fairly equal amount of assistance is given and received"

For every person
loving
living together
or single,
the paramount task is the creation of the self.
The reason relationships are so important to us
and the reason why their endings are so important is not just that
when they are over we miss the company:
It is because through them
we undertake the process of bringing ourselves into being.
......it is the creation of the self---living as exactly and wholly as
we can possibly can which is the primary task as human beings. Their endings are not as tragic but although needled with pain, they are a source of potent opportunities".



Some people might be raising their eyebrows now. I cannot capture the essence of the whole book in just a few sentences. I suggest you try to grab a copy. Now, I could say that I am still with my girl despite all that happened. We still have a few struggles here and there but we are sticking it out. Maybe we still have developmental tasks to accomplish together.

I am sure there will be more to come. I am excited. I asked myself before why we human being need to feel hungry, why do we need to take a bath, cut our hair, go to school, to work. Why do we have endless want's and needs? I know now that it's called life. Same in a relationship. If you don't have all those bumps, what is there to look forward to?