giving one's self........

___________________________________________

"Sometimes I wish I were never born.
Still, I love to be here , transfixed on this plain,
this vast limbo without rim called living.
I like being here, feeling the wind and the sun
upon my skin, the fullness of my stomach,
the electric surge of an orgasm--now that I know it
---course through me."

"Life is a learning and not more, it is not about love for there is more to hate in this world than to love".

These according to the protagonist from my favorite local fiction book MASS written by F. Sionil Jose. (my favorite Filipino author)



The last of the 5 ROSALES NOVELS, MASS is the story of the illegitimate son named PEPE SAMSON. Now a grown up, he escapes from his village of Cabugawan to live in Manila's sprawling slum--TONDO. mass is the story of his journey from one swampland to another; it is also the story of thousands of young Filipinos who have finally found meaning in their lives. But more than a story of discovery, it is an affirmation of faith in the future as envisioned by the dedicated youth of today.

.............................

Most of the ideas of the protagonist were surprisingly similar as mine which is an indication that I am also a rebel like him. But things change and I would love to call myself a more refined man now. Still a lot of things to learn but I'm definitely far from the idealistic, restless and impulsive teenager that I was before......



What I particularly would like to note are the same lines I said to my girlfriend a few years ago when this book put together in words the emotions I have been feeling all along......

" I know that you are now my wife,
not because God or a priest
has sanctified our union,
but because this is how I regard you.
Though I may sleep with other women,
I know there will always be you--
separate fro all the rest,
Not just because i feel that you have
given me yourself, or your faith, and trust,
all of which i don't deserve,
but because I have given myself to you
as I will never give myself to anyone."

Yes, this is how I feel, I will say it again, to the woman I love, I HAVE GIVEN MYSELF TO YOU AS I HAVE NEVER GIVEN MYSELF TO ANYONE.........